Till I'm Back
by fantasy-baka
Summary: sometimes in order to protect the one you love, you need to let go. [AkaKuro oneshot]


**_so this was sort of a oneshot challenge I did for a friend. I used an RP generator, and well, you can guess what I got when you read it._**

 ** _Hope you like it tho_**

* * *

 **Till I'm Back**

Love. That simple four-lettered word, but not so simple in meaning. The bringer of happiness, sadness, desperation, fights, wars even, yet in it's simplest form so pure and rare to the regular person. It has no form yet when mishandled brings about the worst possible destruction- of the heart itself.

Love is being able to be close to the one you feel it for. To be close to him, to be held by his always warm hands, to be in the presence of his intoxicating scent, to always gaze into his mismatched eyes, to run your fingers through his scarlet hair and smooth his rough touch with a tender kiss.

However the hardest part is when you don't get to enjoy most of those things, when the distance between you and him is too far, when the muffler he gave you one day starts to lose his scent, when you can no longer remember exactly what he sounded like, or the exact shade of _both_ his eyes, his laugh, his everything. Some nights the tears run down your cheeks as you pull your pale blue hair in frustration when you desperately want to hear his voice but can never bring yourself to dial those numbers on the phone.

The memories of when you first met him, when he helped you become who you are today, when you slowly grew close to him and you fell for him slowly come back to you. Distance separated the two of you once, only to bring you back together as rivals. You had to fight him, but at the end of it all you only grew even more closer. The times when he held your hand, when his fingers brushed your cheek, and his sweet words despite his stoic and cold attitude. There is no one to replace these, to replace _him._ Even despite his last words to you, the ones that still run through your mind to this day and haunt you in your sleep.

You had to seek the comfort and solace you desperately craved in the wrong person, you revelled in this false sense of comfort when that person is never the one to truly tug at your heartstrings.

And when he showers you with all his love and brings you close you will only remember the red-haired boy you loved.

* * *

He was beautiful. There was no extravagant words needed for him. Just plain and simply. Kuroko was sometimes awestruck as to how attractive Akashi was. To his slim build, sharp jawline, and silky red hair that he just wanted to run his fingers through. To the way the corners of his mouth would turn up in amusement at anything he saw.

"Tetsuya."

"Yes Akashi-kun?" the bluenette replied, stuttering a little as he came back to reality.

"Please stop staring at me. Though my face is quite the work of art," he smugly replied.

Kuroko could feel his face turning hot, and he was pretty sure it was a bright red by now, basing on the smirk Akashi had on his face. He should have been more careful with his ogling, Akashi was the most observant person he knew. After all. he was the one who had realised and brought our Kuroko's talent in misdirection.

The two had met up at a newly-opened shopping mall in Tokyo, and were sitting at an ice-cream parlour and conversing about nothing in particular.

It was the beginning of summer break, and they had both graduated from high school already. Akashi was the top student and valedictorian of Rakuzan, and Kuroko had done relatively well for his finals too. They had both applied for college, but when Kuroko had brought it up Akashi had seemed very vague on the subject.

"I have applied to a few universities, but I'm waiting for the results to come in."

Kuroko did not further broach upon the topic. He knew that Akashi's education and life was controlled by his father, wanting him to be the next 'heir' of sorts to the Akashi family, one of the wealthiest families in Japan. Akashi hated the control and strict environment he grew up in, and the fact that he had no say in the path of his own life.

Currently, the two had run out of topics to converse about and were just sitting around idly, enjoying the last of their ice-cream.

"I'm sorry Akashi-kun," Kuroko said a little inaudibly, embarrassed at having been caught staring.

Akashi chuckled, taking the empty ice-cream cup in his hands. The two stood up to dispose of their used cups and walked out of the parlor.

They walked out of the crowded mall and out into the open, Kuroko breathing in the fresh air. They were walking towards the park next to the mall, making small conversation. Kuroko had not missed the fact of how Akashi was standing very closely to him, and that their hands were brushing past each other as they walked. He almost wished that Akashi could take his hand in his.

The two had grown very close over the past one and a half years. They were once rivals, having to face each other at the finals of the Winter Cup back in their first year. Kuroko, though desperately wanting his team to win was sometimes torn between the boy he liked and his own game. Seirin had won that match, dethroning the kings Rakuzan. Since then, Akashi had changed, reverting back to his true self. Kuroko and Akashi had grown closer ever since, their teams occasionally having to face each other at competitions, but the atmosphere was never deadly, but friendly instead.

They would often stay up late some nights on the phone, what would usually have started as Kuroko asking Akashi for some help in his homework. They talked about everything, and Kuroko was the only person that Akashi could be himself around, to admit that he was human too and had frustrations and flaws unlike what he head portrayed himself as to the world.

What started in Teikou as an attraction towards the redhead had blossomed into something entirely different, the feeling so foreign to Kuroko that it was now starting to scare him. And even know as he walked side by side with him, his heart dropped at the thought that he could not confess how he felt to Akashi because he was afraid. Akashi was openly gay, but he was not sure if Akashi even felt the same magnitude of the feelings that he harboured towards him.

He was not sure if Akashi loved him back.

They had settled down on a bench near the small lake in the pond, simply staring out into the open, enjoying the other's presence. Even though they spent so much time with each other, Kuroko always felt his heart pound a little when they were alone in moments like this, when they had nothing to say but only think. He always wondered as to what Akashi was thinking. Akashi, like Kuroko himself, often kept a straight face, his face devoid of any emotion that might hint at his current thoughts.

A few swans had gathered near the edge of the pond, and Kuroko watched them with some interest. Someone was throwing them some crumbs to feed on, and they pecked at the bits in the water. Then, the wind picked up, a long breeze that rustled the branches on the trees and the plants near the water's edge. Kuroko's hair was softly blown in the wind, as he reached his hand up to tame it down a little.

Suddenly he could feel something light on his cheeks. His bright blue eyes drifted down, only to notice that they were fingers, Akashi's fingers, lightly caressing his cheek, his thumb smoothing his skin. His touch was so light yet the heat spreading from them was searing. He turned to look at Akashi, and nearly gaped.

Akashi was looking at him so intensely yet the expression in his eyes somehow soft. Their eyes met, his mismatched red and golden ones with his own bright blues. Kuroko tried to read him, to see what was going through his mind. The two had not realised that they were leaning forward now, getting ever so closer. As the wind started to die down, Akashi abruptly averted his gaze away, his fingers dropping and leaning back onto the bench, the moment having gone with the wind.

Kuroko leaned back, still in shock. _Just now,_ he thought, _what had happened?_ _What was Akashi-kun trying to do?_ He mind was buzzing, his heart still pounding. Had he not stopped would they have...?

"Your face looked a little red," came the reply to his fervent internal questions. Kuroko looked at Akashi, only to find him staring at the ground, his eyes downcast and his hands clasped in each other tightly, his feet crossing and uncrossing.

"Oh, it is a little warm," Kuroko replied, his voice starting a pitch higher than usual, as he rushed to bring it down a little. Nothing more was said between the two of them, as they continued gazing at the pond, the atmosphere however, completely different.

Eventually, Kuroko received a call from his mom, telling him to pick up some stuff on his way home. The two got up to leave, Akashi insisting on accompanying him to the convenience store on their way home. The whole way, neither said much to the other, Kuroko's mind fresh and buzzing the incident. The part of his face where Akashi had laid his fingers were still tingling.

The two now stood at the train station, waiting to say their goodbyes. Throughout the whole way Kuroko had thought long and hard about the state between the two of them. Kuroko now knew he would not be able to keep his feelings to himself any longer.

"Thank you for your time, Tetsuya," Akashi finally said.

"You too, Akashi-kun," Kuroko paused a while, as if he wanted to say more. He decided against it.

The two exchanged their goodbyes and walked off in opposite directions. As Kuroko tapped his pass on the ticket gantry, he could not help but feel as if he was being stared at. He continued on anyway.

* * *

The boys had gathered at Kagami's place for a little meetup they always had every once in a while. The Generation Of Miracles had bonded well with the guy, and often came over to his place to hang out, partially because Kagami's cooking was amazing. Not just Teikou's former basketball prodigies would join, but even the Seirin team would join in sometimes, as it was today.

Aomine gazed out at the scene before him. Himuro and Kagami were in the kitchen, whipping up the food, as they had been doing for two hours. The amount of food the whole lot of them could eat had kept them in the kitchen for hours. Midorima and Kise were having some sort of conversation, he didn't know what of but Midorima was looking pretty ticked and next to him Takao was laughing at him. Hyuuga, Izuki and Kiyoshi were playing a game of cards and Izuki appeared to be winning. Murasakibara was chewing on some candy. Aomine did not want to turn to look at the remaining two. His blood was boiling as it is, and anymore he was sure he would combust.

That two being Akashi and Kuroko.

God, he hated the sight of the two of them together. They weren't in a relationship, but it was obvious to everyone with working eyes that the two _liked_ each other. You might ask why the former ace of Touou cared so much.

Simply, he loved Kuroko, for a very long time.

Aomine had gone years knowing that Kuroko was the one for him, that Kuroko was _his,_ and his only. He had thought that Kuroko felt the same for him too, that is when he started to notice that a certain redhead was the subject of his attention the whole god damn time. Akashi was a natural leader, the subject of many people's admiration and awe, and unfortunately one of those people being Kuroko.

Kuroko and Aomine always practiced together after formal training, as Aomine wanted to help Kuroko shine. He could see the potential in Kuroko, and even threatned to leave the team if they dropped Kuroko. But then things changed. Thanks to Akashi having brought our Kuroko's talent in misdirection, the blue-headed body started to follow him like a worshipper, Akashi now becoming Kuroko's trainer of sorts. Kuroko stopped staying back those evenings to train, and Aomine would always feel his heart drop a little seeing the two of them during trainings.

The only way Aomine could think of to shield himself from these sharp needle like feelings that were piercing his heart, was to stop coming to trainings. No one tried to stop him. In fact, even Akashi himself after a while stopped chasing him. Every time he looked at him, he swore the damn bastard knew what he was feeling and only used his absence to his advantage in matters concerning Kuroko.

Aomine grew cold and distant, his personality had done the one-eighty. To the point where due to this, the Generation Of Miracles started to fall apart at the end of middle school.

They all went to different schools, Akashi to Rakuzan, Kuroko to Seirin and he himself to Touou. He was glad, glad that Kuroko and Akashi were somehow seperated. Even if he was too, he could swoop in claim Kuroko as his, slowly but surely. Aomine had been sure to leave something for Kuroko as well. Akashi had taught him misdirection. Aomine taught him his ultimate move- the Phantom Shot.

But fate was never in his favour. The final match between Seirin and Rakuzan, he could see it happening, all over again. The chemistry between the two, especially at the end of the match. It was plain to see, that they would eventually rekindle what they had between them.

And now here they were, and here he was. He was on the losing end. He could not stand seeing the one he loved, loving another. Even if they had got together, Kuroko had no idea what would come his way in their relationship. Everyone was surprised that Kuroko was oblivious to Akashi's future, but no one chose to say, wanting to respect Akashi's decision not to tell him.

Akashi and Kuroko were sitting on the couch, Nigou on Kuroko's lap. They were currently discussing about something, and Akashi appeared to be conversing with Kuroko quite animatedly, his hands flying up in gestures as he spoke as Kuroko stroked the dog's fur. The two gazed at each other with so much feeling yet he had no idea how they were so oblivious to each other's true feelings.

Aomine had decided. He was going to end this long affliction, the long lasting heartbreak and sorrow he had experienced for years.

* * *

It was a Thursday night. It was a little late, half past eight on his clock. Akashi was lying on his king sized bed, his shirt draped on a hangar and only wearing his pants. This was very unlikely of Akashi, but then again these past few he had not been himself, ever since that night at Kagami's a few days ago.

He had placed the back of his hand on his forehead, the other clutching a book at its side that he had been reading, _A Catcher In The Rye._ His hair had grown a little longer as of late, his bangs were covering his eyes and he constantly had had to sweep them aside. He had not bothered going for a haircut, he had not bothered doing alot of things, very unlike his usual character of perfection in all things.

His mobile on his bedside table pinged. His attention drifted from the ceiling towards the cell phone, and his hands reached out to take it in his hand, his movement sluggish. On reading the message on his front screen, he bolted upright, but sank back down again, his heart feeling like it was made out of lead.

 _tetsuya: hi akashi-kun, im sorry if its a little late but can we meet at the park near the mall in an hour?_

After a while, Akashi replied him, and got up, pulling a new shirt over his head, and changing his pants. He smoothened his hair out, looking at his reflection in the mirror for a while, thinking of how he was going to do this.

 _I am Akashi Seijuro, I give way for no one, I will not give away this place in my heart to anyone._

He was standing under a tree. Right next to the very spot next to the lake they had been at that day. The light from a lampost cast a bright light over the spot, and Kuroko's hair was glowing like a halo. He was dressed simply, in a fitting t-shirt and some jeans and sneakers.

As he saw Akashi approaching, he waved, though Akashi did not miss the falter in his movement. Nor the way his feet were shifting on the ground and how he was clasping and unclasping his hands repeatedly. He tried to smile but it was clear as day-or night for that matter- that he was extremely nervous.

"Hello Tetsuya," Akashi said with a smile, though on the inside Akashi was brimming full of a lot of things.

"Good evening Akashi-kun, I am sorry for calling you out here so late," Kuroko said apologetically.

Before Akashi could speak, Kuroko cut him to the chase.

"I called you here because...ah... I needed to tell you something Akashi-kun, and I hoped that you would hear me out," Kuroko said, his eyes shifting to the ground.

Akashi looked at Kuroko, trying to decipher him. "Go on," he said, his voice gentle.

Kuroko shifted nervously. "Do you remember the first time we met?" he asked.

"Yes, of course, at the Teikou gymnasium. I had seen you practicing hard."

"Right. You had offered to help me, to find my potential, and you brought it out. I was able to achieve my dream, and even got into first string at that time. We graduated and we went to different schools, but we eventually met again at the Winter Cup. We beat you, but even so it helped us become closer and better friends. I got to know you better, and to understand you better. I understand your resentment, your sadness, your reason for authority. I enjoyed the late night conversations we had, our discussions on shogi, basketball, academics and so many various other things. You have become my closest friend Akashi-kun."

Akashi smiled, truly touched by Kuroko's words.

"But Akashi-kun, you might not know how much you mean to me. You are a very important person to me, and without you...I...I don't know, I can't imagine what it would be like without you. By telling you this I'm taking a chance, a risk, that I never before dared to take, but I..."

Kuroko shiften his eyes from the ground and into Akashi's.

"I love you. Alot. There is not enough words to describe what I feel for you. I don't even know if you feel the same," he said, his voice choking at the end, but never breaking his gaze.

Akashi's eyes widened. His body was stiff. His face had started to heat up and as he gazed into Kuroko's innocent eyes his mind was rushing to process everything.

 _"Akashi, answer me honestly. You like him, don't you?"_

 _"I like him? The word 'like' is too simply putting it. It is like comparing the moon to the universe."_

For the first time in his whole life, Akashi was rendered speechless, the intensity of Kuroko's confession and his own emotions forming a clamp on his throat with a choking hold.

 _"As much as you feel for him, you cannot be there for him. You know that too well. Is that why you were holding back?"_

 _"Yes, I was hoping that Tetsuya would move on from me, his feelings cannot be as strong as mine."_

 _"I really doubt that Akashi, you really don't know what he feels."_

"Kuroko...I..."

 _"Let him go Akashi, before Tetsu is in too deep."_

"...I'm sorry. I am not the one for you," Akashi managed to get out, his heart pounding.

Kuroko could only look at him more intensely than ever. "Akashi-kun...do you feel the same way as I do?"

 _"Does he know? You never told him, did you?"_

 _"No... I did not tell him."_

 _"You didn't even tell the guy you love that you would be leaving in a week for London and you won't even be back until after four years?"_

 _"...I couldn't."_

 _"I can look after him, better than you ever could. I'll always be here, his heart will never break, he'll be safe, with me. I can love him, shower him with it. You are not in any position to."_

 _"Let him go, Akashi. I will look after him."_

"...No, I don't. I'm sorry."

The whole park was silent, as if in mourning. It was so quiet that Akashi could almost heart the sound of Kuroko's heart shattering into a million pieces. He did not know if Kuroko could hear Akashi's heart too- how it was being destroyed slowly and painfully. He did not know how much Akashi was suffering, just so that Kuroko could hopefully move on peacefully without having any painful attachments to him.

"I understand. I'm sorry for putting you in a spot, I hope this does not complicate our...friendship," Kuroko said, his words detached and his voice croaky.

"I will leave, Goodnight Akashi-kun." And without even waiting for Akashi's reply he turned on his feet and left.

Akashi was simply rooted to the spot, looking at his hands, as if he had just murdered somebody cold-bloodedly. It wasn't long before he too, left the place, the innocent memories of the place having been tainted with the most horrific of ones.

Akashi was strong-willed, stoic. He can be merciless, he was a figure of authority. But for the first time in his life he had never felt so vulnerable and raw. He had given in, he had not made the orders. He was the emperor who had surrendered his entire empire. The layers to him had been peeled of to expose his true, truest self.

Akashi said nothing to his butler as he greeted him when he arived back home and questioned his whereabouts, nor the maids who offered to take his coat and make him a mug of tea. He bounded up the grand staircase to his room, slowly shutting and locking the door, before he slumped against the door, one feet up and the other stretched, his head in his hands.

 _"Daiki, I entrust him to you. Look after him, please."_

 _"But, keep in mind, I will be back. And when I am back, I will fight for him back, and you cannot stand in my way. I belong to Kuroko, as he has always belonged to me. No one can ever ultimately come in between what we both have. I love him, so much more than myself, than anything else. I can never and will never find a replacement._

" _He has a permanent place in my heart, and I will never give it away."_

Then the tears came, hot and long, silent sobs wracking his body, washing away his cold and intimidation demeanour to reveal the raw and purest form of the once indifferent boy.

"Oh Kuroko, some people can stay in you heart, but never in your life," he murmured softly under his breath after a while, before getting up and pulling his wallet out. He took out a little picture, one of him and Kuroko shaking hands after the Winter Cup final two years ago, that Momoi had taken. He spread his fingers over the picture, a wistful smile forming on his face. He put it back in his wallet, and turned towards the packed suitcases at the side of his room.

"I'll be back, I promise."

* * *

 ** _oh god im so sorry i literally was so sad writing this i swear, it's one of the hardest I have ever had to write :-(_**

 ** _anyway tell me what you think about it!_**


End file.
